So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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