Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
