Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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