Rock
Scissors
Fuck
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
