I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
