were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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