dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
