My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
