Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
