I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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