have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
