i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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