you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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