So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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