So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
