I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
