the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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