you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
