It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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