I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
