I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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