I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
