If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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