Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
