i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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