I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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