Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
