return my video game
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
