Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
