i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need moral support for this bender
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
