this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
