My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
