Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
