Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
