If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
