My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
