If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
