we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
