Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
