I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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