We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
