You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
