tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
