But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
