apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
