I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
