The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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