if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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