There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize