this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
