It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
