The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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