did you get engaged???
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
