My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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