I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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