Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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