First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
