My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
