clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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