I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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