Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
