At least make sure they are 18
Why
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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