i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
