When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
