Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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