There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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