I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
