i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
