You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize