hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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