I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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