I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
