Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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