I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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