i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
