85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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