Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
