you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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